Want to be a better listener? Learn a new language.
Somewhere in the middle of University, I decided to learn languages. I expected it to be rewarding, speaking and connecting with people different from my own background. What I wasn't prepared for, was how much it improved my personal relationships. One of those areas is the art of listening. Here are a few ways, learning a new language made me a better listener:
Understanding conversations
When I began learning Mandarin Chinese I didn't know many words apart from “hello” and “numbers”. Many of the conversations in dramas and real-life were hard to understand. Knowing fewer words meant I had to exert my energy to pick up words that I knew, in order to understand 20% of conversations. All that exertion meant I had to be present, in the room, with nothing else on my mind but the single goal of picking words I understood, so I could respond accurately. The skill of listening is all about striving to understand clearly the other person. I began to notice that this exertion I placed on being present while in a conversation transferred to other parts of my life.
Responding to conversations
One of the first things I learned in English, Mandarin, and even French was how to ask and answer questions. I remember in Grade 7 -9 my class would stand up to greet the French teacher when she came into class and she would respond “Comment ça va ?” (how are you?). We would then respond by saying “Ça va très bien, merci” (very fine, thank you). You see the method my teacher wanted me to answer the question with was in the question itself. If I did not wait to hear the end of the question, I could have misfired my answer. Many times I have found that the ability to patiently wait till the other person finished was invaluable to listening. Learning not to imply what was not said, not responding before I understood the question were all invaluable skills to listening.
“We shall find the truth when we examine the problem. The problem is never apart from the answer, the problem is the answer — the understanding of the problem is the dissolution of the problem.” — Bruce Lee
Communication is in the inflections, not the words.
Kevin, a former member of Pentatonix, once told a story of how he was slapped by a girl on the bus in China for saying “can I kiss you?” when he meant to say “can I ask you something?”. The words for “kiss” and “ask” is “wen” in Mandarin just different tonality. I like to tell this story to explain some of the problems beginner language learners run into. When I first heard this story I made up my mind to pay more attention to the tones/ inflections natives use.
The bulk of communication is in the inflections. Even for English speakers, the inflections determine, if it's a question, a sentence, an insult e.t.c. When we hear the words from someone's mouth, the bulk of the communication is in how we feel when it lands. How we feel when it lands, is often affected by the tonality of what is said. When you learn another language you learn not just vocabulary, but the social tones that come with the language. You learn the heart of the communicator.
Listening adds to our knowledge
I believe my breakthrough in language learning came in the form of John McWhorter’s Ted talk. Language changes as we communicate. No Language is static, it evolves which means that vocabulary is always becoming obsolete. John McWhorter talks about how the word “to skim” used to mean to read something thoroughly and in-depth. If you lived in 2013 and someone pressed the pause button and fast-forwarded you to 2021 you will have to update your vocabulary by a couple of notches.
The art of listening works just the same way. We must constantly update our views, biases, assumptions, and choice of words, in order to hear clearly what the other person is saying. Again the communication is not the words, The words help to communicate.